Dining alone at a cozy cafe, watching a solo movie, or treating yourself to a spa day—these once-taboo activities are trending as more people discover the joys of dating solo.
What began as an act of self-care has blossomed into a movement of discovery, freedom, and unfiltered joy. For some, it’s a break from the hustle and bustle of life. For others, it is a path to reclaim their identity.
Amondi Aroko is taking solo dates as a self-care mechanism in 2022.
“I’m the oldest in the family and I’m always the one who takes care of everyone. But when my brothers got a job and my parents settled down, I realized that I didn’t know how to take care of myself,” said the 31-year-old.
“So, I started exploring love and freedom, while also reflecting on the concept of black taxes.”
Amondi Aroko on a solo date at About Thyme Restaurant in Nairobi.
Photo credit: pond
Now, Ms. Aroko goes on solo dates twice a month. “I often eat alone, but sometimes I like to watch movies or spa. Other times, I have a picnic just to watch people,” he said.
If you’re thinking about going on a solo date, you might be thinking, “Isn’t it lonely?” Ms Aroko admitted that at first, yes.
“When I started, there were times when I felt very lonely. I kept asking myself, thinking, ‘Why am I doing this to myself? Am I depressed? Is it weird that I’m doing this to myself?’ But with time, I started to like my own company, and it made me independent.
Now, if I hang out with someone and I don’t feel the same when I’m alone, I don’t go back to hang out a second time,” he said.
Ms. Aroko has found creative ways to choose her date destinations.
“Every month I write my activities according to the letters. For example, this month I went on a bowling date because there was a ‘B’.
“I research for activities, organize them alphabetically, then check them off as I go. So if there’s a Saturday when I’m free, I pick an activity to do and if it’s in the budget, I do it. I’ve been to About Thyme, Soho and Warung Valley Coffee.
The food to eat is chicken.
“I can’t visit a restaurant and not take chicken. If I go and they tell me they don’t have chicken, I just leave. I will soon travel to Beijing for work and I want to explore the city and make some solo dates,” said the reporter who works with Tuko.
Ms Aroko recounts her experience on a solo trip to the Maasai Mara.
“I was the only solo person in the van. Everyone else was joined. They left me in the driver’s seat but I joined their activities. They don’t mind me being alone.”
The downside, she says, is that people often think she’s ‘hunting’ for men. “If you show up alone in a busy place, people think you’re looking for a man.”
Traditionally, solo dates have been seen as something mostly for women, with many men hesitant to eat out or enjoy activities alone.
However, this is changing as more people are considering the idea of solo dates. For Ally Gakweli, her journey into solo dating began as part of her mission to enjoy her own company.
“I want to learn to be comfortable with myself, so I started dating solo. Today, I only go to concerts and restaurants,” said the 27-year-old.
Ally Gakweli during his trip to Sagana.
Photo credit: pond
Did they plan ahead? Mr. Gakweli, a marketing and communication specialist, said he is always on the lookout for activities that are advertised in advance; so he can plan for them.
“For example, album launches and exhibitions are advertised in advance. But, for restaurants, I don’t plan ahead. I have a list of places I want to go to, so I just check the list.”
Mr. Gakweli has never had a woman approach him on a solo date. “However, I use the opportunity to meet new people, socialize, and network.”
Ms Aroko said the cheapest solo date was going to a movie that cost Sh400, while the most expensive was a Sh60,000 solo trip to Dubai.
“For the Dubai trip, I had to plan it with the help of a tour company,” he added.
Mr. Gakweli prefers to keep his plans flexible. “When I’m on a solo date, I’m alone, and I don’t mind spending my own money.
Instead of having a strict budget, I set a limit on the number of solo dates I will go on each year. I usually do three activities every month,” he explained.
Emmah Cherutich’s love for solo dates began more than 10 years ago during her university days. “I always like to experience new places and try new foods. I also journal a lot on my solo dates,” she said.
At first, he didn’t go on solo dates often due to financial constraints, but once he started working, it became a regular practice, at least every two weeks.
“Solo dates are good for my mental health because I can reflect a lot,” the 29-year-old said.
Her source of inspiration is social media. “When I see a beautiful place I want to visit, I take a picture and make a mental note to check it out.
“Now I have been to Enkikombe and Karen Kitchen, Maboneng Lounge and Restaurant, and Mama Rocks. My favorite is the cake in Java.”
Ms Cherutich said she was never lonely because she always kept a journal during her solo dates. “Other times, I’ll just work on my laptop or even watch something,” the businessman told BD Life. Their food is chicken and pork.
Healing through solo dates
A heartbreak led Deborah Faraja to start her solo dating journey.
“After the last heartbreak, I began to wonder if I really liked my own company. I wanted to be alone and get rid of the need to constantly be with people. Therefore, one day, I just woke up and stopped by a cafe, and it was a good experience.
“It’s back in 2021, and now solo dates are part of my life. I do it once a month,” said the 22-year-old social media marketing manager.
Her choice of location depends on her mood.
“Sometimes, I want something relaxed. Other times, I want to dress up, show up, and take myself on a date. I love fashion and believe that our clothes often show our feelings,” he said.
Deborah Faraja on her solo date on August 9, 2024
Photo credit: pond
Ms. Faraja sometimes fights loneliness during solo dating.
“There are times when you see a group of friends or a couple, and then you’re alone. But I think it’s important to find time alone with yourself.
“Of course, people will wonder why you’re alone, and sometimes men will approach you even when you’ve made it clear you want to be alone,” she says.
As more people embrace solo dating, it’s clear that this practice isn’t just a trend; it’s a movement for self-love, empowerment, and mental well-being.
Whether it’s eating alone, exploring a new city, or just sitting in a park, these solo experiences allow individuals to reconnect with themselves, free from society’s expectations.
In a world that often demands too much from us, dating solo is a reminder that sometimes, the best company we can keep is ourselves.
