“The pain is indescribable,” began *Rachel Keya*, her voice thick with sadness. “You never imagine how old your child will be, and when it turns out to be a suicide, there’s added guilt and confusion. You’re left asking yourself: What did we miss? What could we have done differently?”
Even two years after the tragic loss of her 17-year-old son, Kevin, to suicide, the inexplicable pain lingers in Rachel’s home like a heavy shadow she refuses to lift.
The weight of the tragedy, coupled with unanswered questions and missed signs, continues to haunt the family.
“Kevin is always quiet, you know?” Rachel thought, her words laced with sadness. “But in hindsight, I saw that his silence was not just typical teenage moodiness.
It was a cry for help, one that could not be heard.” Her memories painted a haunting picture of the unknown signs now vividly in her mind.
Rachel, a mother of three, recalled how in the months before Kevin’s death, she was often tied up with work. During the school holidays, Kevin would spend hours playing video games, lost in the virtual world of the PlayStation. “I tried to talk to him,” he said, “but all I would get was grunts or one-word responses. I shrugged it off, thinking that this is just a typical teenager. How wrong I was.”
Kevin’s mood was getting more and more uncertain. He would snap at his sister over the smallest thing, then retreat to a quiet room, sometimes for hours.
Even Rachel’s wife has tried to reach out to him, but Kevin remains withdrawn, locked in his own world of pain.
“There were days when he looked good,” Rachel recalled, her voice heavy with regret.
“He’ll joke with us over dinner, or he’ll play video games with his brothers. Those moments give us false reassurance, making us believe that whatever’s bothering him is temporary.”
Rachel is hurt to admit that her son is struggling to cope with the separation from his father, which happened three years before the tragedy.
The cracks in their marriage, as much as they try to hide, are all too apparent for Kevin, who is seen in the frequent arguments and the distance caused by professional commitments.
“Watch out. Your child’s life could depend on it,” Rachel said.
According to Dr Catherine Syengo Mutisya, a consultant psychiatrist with twenty years of experience and a passionate advocate for mental health, adolescent suicide is an alarming and growing concern in Kenya.
Quoting from the World Health Organization (WHO), Dr Mutisya noted that suicide is now the fourth leading cause of death among young people aged 15 to 29, a statistic that continues to rise.
“Many parents don’t know the warning signs,” said Dr Mutisya. “Things like changes in behavior, changes in mood, or withdrawing from activities that once brought joy are often overlooked, but these can all be signs of a deeper problem.”
The amount of information is overwhelming
He highlighted that Generation Z and Alpha Generation teenagers today are exposed to a huge amount of information, many of which are global, and are not only influenced by their immediate environment like their families or schools.
“They absorb content from all over the world, and this exposure drastically changes the way they look at life,” said Dr Mutisya.
This constant flow of information, while opening up new horizons, can also create a distorted view of reality for young people.
“Social media often portrays an idealized version of life, where everything looks perfect,” says Dr Mutisya. “Rarely do people post their struggles, and this creates false comparisons. Teens may feel that their lives are less, worse than others, or just not good enough.”
The resulting pressure has led to an increase in cases of depression and behavioral problems in society, often with parents who are unaware of the huge burden their children are carrying.
One of the biggest obstacles to addressing adolescent mental health, especially in the African context, is the persistence of harmful misconceptions.
“Depression is often dismissed as laziness, and mental illness is still equated with insanity in many communities,” says Dr Mutisya. This lack of understanding, he adds, is detrimental to identifying and addressing mental health problems early.
Dr Mutisya emphasized that successful interventions must involve the family, especially the parents. “In therapy, especially with teenagers, it is very important to include the parents in the treatment plan,” he emphasized. “We cannot ignore the powerful influence that peers and home environments have on young adults.”
His team has developed a framework for working with adolescents, known as the “4 Cs” – Care, communication, connection, and compassion.
These pillars guide care and support systems in suicide prevention efforts. “If parents even suspect that their children may be thinking about suicide, immediate intervention is the key. Don’t wait for something tragic to happen,” he advises.
Joy Lango, an experienced counseling psychologist, echoes this sentiment, stating that teenagers are often good at hiding their true emotions.
“On the surface, it may look good, but underneath the mask, many are experiencing serious emotional turmoil,” Ms Lango said.
“When a once energetic teenager suddenly starts withdrawing from social activities, changes his eating habits, or complains of persistent and unexplained body aches, it’s a sign that something is wrong.”
Ms. Lango emphasized the importance of parents learning to distinguish between typical teenage moods and other serious, life-threatening concerns.
“It’s normal for teenagers to have a bad day or even a bad week, but if you notice that they are struggling to do different areas of their lives – at school, with friends, in the family – then it’s time to worry.”
There is no single factor
According to Ms. Lango, there is rarely one factor that leads teenagers to the point of death.
However, there are usually complex web sites, including past trauma, mental health issues, school stress, or personal struggles like an identity crisis.
“Understanding these risk factors is very important,” he said. “This allows us to identify when young children may be more vulnerable, and when early intervention is most needed.”
Stigma in the mental health environment is another persistent barrier to addressing adolescent suicide.
Lango passionately advocates the need to dismantle myths and misconceptions that prevent open discussion.
“There’s a misconception that talking about suicide might give teenagers ideas, but research shows it’s the opposite,” she said. “Honest conversations about mental health and suicidal thoughts actually help reduce risk and encourage teens to seek help.”
As statistics on teenage suicide continue to rise, Ms Lango remains hopeful. “Suicide is preventable,” he said firmly. “With the right support system, parents and caregivers can make a significant difference.”
For many parents, the challenge lies in the balance between respecting the privacy needs of young people and ensuring their safety.
Ms Lango advises to create an environment built on trust and open communication, where teenagers feel safe to express their concerns without fear of judgement.