The first thing you need to know about VACAYA – the biggest, biggest and most fun LGBTQ + cruise in the world – is that you’re going to wear an ass-revealing outfit and you want to eat a buffet of burgers and side salads. , you must use one of the towels provided to wrap around your waist. That seems only fair.
We had flown to Miami on the incredible low cost airline Norse Atlantic to take the cruise in Fort Lauderdale.
If you’ve never been on a cruise, imagine this: a 13-story boat/building – in our case, the Celebrity Apex – that’s so big you rarely feel the motion of a boat. It pulls to places you can or can not get off in (we did Puerto Rico, grazed Saint Croix and passed in Antigua all).
The Liner feels like a glamorous five-star hotel meets a small town, and features a theater, restaurant, swimming pool, nightclub, martini bar with grand piano, casino, cafe, poolside burger joint, spa, indoor pool, boutique and business center.
There is also a large buffet with Indian and Chinese food, salads, burgers, pizza, vegan and gluten-free food and mouth-watering desserts.
And all this – shows, food, seminars on tantric sex or lip fillers, singers at the piano – is included in the price. Just ask and you shall receive.
But of course, this is a cruise with a difference. The background to VACAYA was that people from other cruise operations decided your classic ‘gay cruise’ was too greedy, clubby and too exclusive.
They set up LGBTQ+ cruises for the entire community, with ‘inclusivity’ as their watchword. And although the crowd is mostly gay, there are lounges for female, trans and non-binary guests.
We even met a young married couple in matching dresses at the Tell Us Who You Are party.
‘My husband is bisexual,’ the woman said, ‘so I think I can enjoy this.’
Judging from their smiling faces for the rest of the week, the plan worked.
Then there was a dinner for one cruiser, a mixer for non-Americans (most people from the US), a meet-and-greet for someone in a May-to-September relationship… no one forgot.
The second thing you need to know about VACAYA (capital, so you know they don’t bother) is that although everyone likes to be ‘bikini ready’ before the holidays, there is no need to worry here.
VACAYA prides itself on inclusivity and body positivity, so while there’s no shortage of beautiful body types, it only takes half an hour in a swimsuit to stop sucking your guts.
All shapes and sizes are represented, although the main demographic seems to be slightly older gay men in all kinds of swimsuits – some of which definitely require a towel at the buffet.
Checking in, we saw a deaf and blind cruiser being met by staff members who had been trained to communicate by writing on their hands with their fingers. In fact, the deaf community that exists in the place is its own thing, with reserved spaces in theaters and signs like celebrities. We stepped out into Puerto Rico with signer Xavier and were greeted with a flurry of sign language.
When it comes to entertainment, we sip martinis (for drinks, you can pay as you go or buy an unlimited package – so English, we will) from the couch while watching Alan Cumming, drag queen La Voix, and Vanessa Williams, who will to star in Elton John’s new musical The Devil Wears Prada in London’s West End.
La Voix is ​​a real vision of the entertainment roster, tearing the mickey out of everything and everyone with a rude joke about Vanessa and saying $ 6,000 bingo prize will only be enough to buy ten minutes of wi-fi access.
There are also parties galore, with the ship playing host to 3,000 people ranging in age from 20s to 93 (seriously) immersed in two or three themed parties a day, all involving the most amazing costumes.
There are pirate parties with young men wearing only blindfolds, parrots and cardboard ships to cover their decency; a group of four dragged-up ‘bears’ – big, hairy gay men – with giant curlers singing to hairdryers swiped from the cabin at the Messy party; and four others in sparkly red majorette dresses for the Alternative Prom party.
In fact, one reason VACAYA has become a big hit – according to one regular we spoke to – is because it gives you a lot of party theme news, so you have time to work on your outfit.
‘I’ve been watching you around the pool,’ said Lilli, the on-board medium (why not!) at a seminar in a night club one morning while the audience sat crying on their knees – and while I was trying to sleep. drunk on the back.
‘Your community looks after each other. Your community knows how to have fun with each other.’
And they’re not wrong – VACAYA is like a gathering of 3,000 of your closest friends. There are only a few who prefer clothes that show ass.
Things to know
Book a VACAYA cruise (or resort vacation) on MyVacaya.
We flew to Miami on Norse Atlantic – with prices from £395 in economy and £945 in premium.
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