Everything happened so quickly.
One minute, the beloved TV presenter Anthea Turner looked pure in a black jacket and trousers in an episode of Noel House Party, the next, she laughed and gasped as a yellowy-green gunge covered her from head to toe.
And I was, there’s no other way to put it, horny.
I remember turning red, feeling embarrassed by my body’s immediate response. Mostly, I remember being surprised that no one else around me had the same reaction.
When I didn’t know it, I just discovered what would become my talisman for years – ‘sploshing’.
What is sploshing?
This term generally describes a person who covers himself or another person in a substance that is usually wet and unpleasant to achieve sexual stimulation or arousal.
My liquid of choice? Custard. And I now regularly spend between £40 and £100 per week for women to cover themselves in a sauce usually yellow and send me a video.
When Anthea is on prime-time Saturday night TV that’s for sure my ‘sexual awakening’ – seeing a celebrity, or any member of society, get covered in goo isn’t exactly an unusual occurrence for 90s programming.
Tanki Gunge is a regular fixture on shows such as Live and Kicking and Get Your Own Back. And I for one love it.
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At first, I felt shy around other people and tried to watch by myself. But then, I learned about the term ‘sploshing’ after finding a copy of Splosh magazine on eBay when I was 16 or 17.
I then realized that there was a ‘messy’ scene, which was full of people like me. And I finally felt validated.
Despite knowing that I’m not alone, I’m always worried that I’ll be ridiculed for my choices, so I stick with it.
But in the early 00s, while searching online, I came across a website that gave me my first glimpse of producer-made content.
At the same time I found a forum for sploshers, each has its own choice in substance, ie gunge, pie, mud – and I found my man.
I immediately felt at home and could talk to other people and see what they liked.
While many were interested in covered in all kinds of textures, I especially found custard and colored gunge to be extremely erotic. It’s the way the custard looks, and how it covers the body – it’s soft and smooth and sticks really well.
But when I started dating, I made a conscious decision not to pretend to be sploshing. I’ve always been honest about everything else with women about my sexual preferences and interests, but I kept this particular kink close to my chest.
It comes from the fear of prohibition and mockery – I live in a small town and know how words get around.
Naturally, this always makes me continue again in the relationship. I always felt like I wasn’t completely honest and I definitely wasn’t having my sloshing kink fulfilled.
Ultimately, that’s what led me to start requesting videos from other people five years ago.
I had more money to spend, and sites like OnlyFans and ManyVids were getting more popular, so I decided to give it some anonymity.
I was first approached by a model on ManyVids who said they were ‘friendly talismans’ – they had never heard of sploshing before, but the more I explained it, the more they wanted to try it.
I think they are usually surprised because unlike regular customers, I want them to keep their clothes on!
I have asked the creator of OnlyFans with a large number of followers in X if they will do, but I have also posted ads on sites like AllThingsWorn – where women sell used knickers – as well as others to find willing parties.
The ideal scenario is for a beautiful woman to wear a bikini or bra and pants before covering herself in custard. I tend to ask them to dump five one-liter cartons over their heads so they can run down their faces and bodies.
If that doesn’t pique your interest enough, sometimes I will trying to sell it is actually custard hair conditioner and moisturizer.
That’s not a ruse. Almost every woman who has tried it agrees that it is the best secret of the beauty industry!
If they were to go ahead they would normally charge £4 per minute for a 10 minute video plus custard fees, and I’d be more than happy to pay that.
I always go for premium brands – I don’t want to offend anyone by suggesting they’re only worth own-brand supermarket stuff. Only the best will do.
After that, I asked them to send me the knickers they wore in the video.
But I learned the hard way to ask them to wash before sending as I once had some sent to me that were still full of custard, and not surprisingly, they became rancid in the post.
I don’t just get off on gunging women alone though. I also like to splosh myself.
The first time I did it on my own came as part of a challenge from a fellow splosher. But when I live in the home part, I have to choose my time carefully.
Getting into the shower and pouring thick gunge over me felt incredible. Yes, this is my sexual spasm, but I also feel relaxed. The soft feel and bright colors are very pleasing to me.
Admittedly it almost ended in disaster because I was super slippery at the end. To be honest, I was lucky not to be found in the shower by returning housemates.
But now, I splosh every couple of months or so.
I like to have my amulet, I don’t want to lose interest in it, and I sort of like it’s a secretive part of my personality.
Until now I still never act sploshing with a woman in real life. I want to be more normal like foot fetish and BDSM has become, but it’s my own hang ups about ridicule and restrictions that prevent me from trying out in real life.
There isn’t much talk about sploshing in the press and gunging isn’t much of a thing anymore but it does happen occasionally.
In May of last year, for example, I saw a picture of Nigella Lawson covered in salted caramel on the cover of women’s magazine Stylist. Once again, I became very confused.
I know that will not be the intention behind the shooting but it makes me hopeful that shoots like this and the opportunity to tell my story will help bring sploshing into the mainstream and ‘normalize’ it.
As to Ariane Sherine
This article was first published on May 11, 2024
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