Narcissists have an arsenal of ‘toxic’ phrases they use to convince important people that they are the problem.
Now there are people who are diagnosed with personality disorders, who focus too much on themselves and their needs, showing expressions that have been used in the past.
Steven Ingram, who is a ‘self-aware narcissist,’ revealed his secret tactics in the hope of saving others from being manipulated.
Ingram’s words of blame are ‘Why do you always start conflicts with me’ and another is ‘Why do you wear your heart on your sleeve?’
Steven Ingram, a diagnosed narcissist, has shared common phrases he uses to manipulate others in hopes of helping others avoid manipulation.
Ingram revealed the phrase in a TikTok video, which has more than 46,000 likes, on his account where he was also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD).
BPD is a mental illness that affects a person’s ability to regulate their emotions, causing instability in relationships, self-image and mood.
Narcissism is usually diagnosed after the individual answers questions about their lives and interactions with others.
These questions, administered by health professionals, ask the person if they believe that others envy them, if they feel more beautiful than others and if they feel more valuable than others.
‘As a self-aware narcissist, I have used every single one of these phrases and I can guarantee that all the toxic partners I have had, and I have had many, have used these exact same phrases,’ said Ingram.
This tactic is known as blame-shifting and is a way for the narcissist to control their partner, which is seen in abusive relationships.
The first sentence he says in the video is, ‘You always like to argue, why do you always start conflicts with me? Why?’
Ingram goes on to explain that narcissists use the word when their significant other brings up past events that may have affected them, so they can take the blame.
Others have asked their partners whether they are always overreacting, which is used to invalidate people’s emotions and reactions to the narcissist’s behavior.
‘Why do you have to wear your heart on your sleeve,’ Ingram continued, noting that there was a similar response to making his friend feel too sensitive.
One of the phrases he uses is, ‘This conversation is over, I’m leaving,’ which is a way for a narcissist to avoid your concerns, making you think you’re doing something wrong to cause a fight.
Psychologists have noted that walking away from arguments is an attempt to avoid solving problems or formulating conflict resolutions.
That’s because narcissists usually refuse to admit their mistakes.
‘You’re crazy’ is another tactic used by Ingram.
Psychotherapist Anna Drescher writes in Simply Psychology: ‘It shows you don’t have the mental capacity or stability to understand or make the right decisions, so you can question yourself.’
By saying ‘you’re crazy,’ a narcissist makes his partner feel vulnerable and able to gain power through conversation.
The last phrase Ingram has shared to deceive his partner is: ‘I don’t even know why I’m still in this relationship with you, you don’t appreciate (whatever) I do for you. And a lot of them.’
“They aim to make the person feel dependent and less important by presenting them with a position of superiority or impossibility,” Drescher wrote.
Another therapist suggested that the last sentence shared by Ingram was a narcissist’s way of expressing his pain and anger that his partner was not giving him the level of adoration he wanted.
Many of these tactics are rooted in gaslighting, which is a manipulative tactic used to make people question their own perception of reality, memory, or sanity in order to destroy it.
‘The purpose of gaslighting is to make people question their own perceptions, memories, or judgments, usually through denial, misdirection, contradiction, or deception,’ Hared Drescher.
