When I moved to Los Angeles with my boyfriend in early 2023, I didn’t know anyone in the city and was working remotely. How do you make friends, I wonder, when you don’t have to go anywhere? At this time last year it was clear that my world was getting smaller. After we returned from a wonderful Thanksgiving in San Diego with my partner’s family, I realized I had not missed celebrating with anyone in LA – and no one in LA had missed me.
Loneliness is new to me. I am one of the many Americans that I struggle with isolation, which is bad for our physical and mental health. But in seeking a way to make LA more like home, I discovered an unexpected escape from the loneliness involved in shaping society, Exploring new neighborhoods and moving through outdated gender norms: I learned to cook.
The first place I felt connected to the city was the market in Pico-Robertson. A product from my childhood is anchored in this new, unfamiliar place: Israeli soup powder. Tnuva cheese. Bamba bag (peanut-butter-puffs). I have little sense of what I was supposed to do with the various materials. But since I only work part-time, I have time.
So one Tuesday afternoon, I found myself chopping a mountain of herbs without a food processor, preparing a stew for my birthday dinner. The next week, I broke out the challah dough, took a break and replayed a video showing how to braid six loaves of bread into something beautiful.
My camera roll contains an archive of these baby steps (and missteps) into the world of cooking. Challah was a golden brown success – but followed by pitas that didn’t puff. My hummus, sprinkled with paprika and pine nuts, looks and tastes great, but even my toddler nephew can do a better job than me decorating the blueberry vanilla cake I baked.
Having the space and time to experiment with food allowed me to leave behind the people who once tried to make macaroni and cheese by mixing pasta and blocks of orange-dyed cheddar. And cooking, in turn, helped me explore Los Angeles and, bit by bit, find connections.
Moving to a new city means learning which environment works best for different types of cuisine. In LA, it’s Westwood for Persian food, Koreatown for barbecue and fried chicken, Sawtelle for ramen, Fairfax and Olympic for Ethiopian food and everywhere for tacos. Cooking teaches us that this diversity exists for the ingredients as well as the restaurant.
Elat Market in Pico-Robertson I bought oranges and Persian herbs to make ghormeh sabzi. When I started preparing sushi, I bought nori, rice vinegar and tuna at Maruki in Sawtelle. Bangluck and Silom in Thai Town are the places for rice noodles and spicy peppers for pad kee mao. Wandering around in search of specialty ingredients that Trader Joe’s or Bristol Farms doesn’t usually carry is a great way to get to know the city.
It’s also a great way to get to know people. Last year, my boyfriend and I organized a Passover seder at the last minute after realizing that some of our co-workers didn’t have anyone. We have hosted another acquaintance-turned-friend for a pizza night, and was invited through someone we met at a college alumni event and ended up cooking stir-fry together.
Beyond cooking to hosting teaches us to embrace traditional holidays and create less conventional reasons to invite people. The upcoming Chrismukkah feast will also celebrate Shab-e Yalda, the Persian winter solstice, and many of those attending are those who have been close to the past dinner.
Everyone can benefit from cooking. Nearly three out of every four American adults overweight or obeseand some studies have found that cooking at home is associated with better health when someone is trying to lose weight. I spent three months in Italy before moving to LA, and when I got home, my doctor warned me that I needed a change. More cooking — including pizza and burgers — has helped me lose 30 pounds and counting.
Cooking is also possible reduce anxiety. Offers an outlet for frustration: Go right ahead and indeed work the dough. It can make you not take yourself seriously if you can’t destroy things (for me, which is too often) or if you pretend to be a chef at “The Bear.” Most importantly, it can help you find and make new friends.
Men can get the most out of learning to cook. Data from the American Time Use Survey, in which Americans share how much time they spend on their daily activities, shows that while men cook more than in previous years, it is still less than women.
This Thanksgiving, my boyfriend’s family is coming to LA and we are all having dinner at a family friend’s place. I will probably bring a challah, and I will also make some homemade bagels and lemon ricotta pancakes for when everyone comes to our place for brunch the next day. My forays into cooking have me excited that one day, my partner and I can host a proper Thanksgiving ourselves.
For all of us, loneliness is possible lead to greater risk of heart disease, depression, anxiety and premature death. Cooking will not fix this on its own. But if you’re feeling lonely this holiday, embracing cooking can be a way to make stronger connections for the next one. In a society where many people are hungry for connection, home-cooked meals are a great place to start.
Nadav Ziv is a writer in Los Angeles.
