‘You’ll never guess what I’ve got planned for tonight,’ my partner, Bren, told me, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
It is July 2024, and he has been teasing me with this statement for weeks. Every now and then I would guess but never come close to deciphering the surprise.
I started to imagine the unthinkable: he’d sign me up for a tough Mudder. Or, like the poor woman in Don’t Tell the Bride, she’s already booked a skydive and a bungee jump before we declare our love for one another.
At the beginning of the year, I suggested that we reinstate our weekly date nights because grocery shopping trips to Lidl had become our only recurring trips. Having experienced several relationships that ended due to lack of romance, I wanted to make sure that we kept the fire burning that had ignited on the dance floor close to the salsa club Soho over a year ago.
He agreed and we have since taken to plan a new dating experience – some surprises, and some organized together. We’ve enjoyed late-night Japanese dinners and movie marathons at home, with highlights including sunset picnics on scenic clifftops and spa nights.
But all those memories will soon be defeated.
‘What should I wear tonight?’ I asked last night when I threw Paracetamol – still recovering from a week’s cold.
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‘Only good things!’ The answer.
‘I have to be specific, babe – I’m a woman.’ Nothing fills me with more fear than missing the mark on the dress code.
I settled on a smart casual outfit to prepare for all eventualities. ‘I don’t know what you’re doing,’ I told him.
‘You just wait,’ he laughed as he happily left. ‘You’re going to freak out daks!’ Australian expressions that need no translation.
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We arrived at the venue; unsuspecting pub on the outskirts of Winchester – then I saw.
Tonight: THE OGRETONES. UK’S #1 SHREK TRIBUTE BAND.
My mouth fell open. I was as surprised as when I found out that Pinocchio had a penchant for wearing women’s underwear.
I’ve never heard of a tribute band that specializes in the back catalog of the greatest movie franchise of all time. With the amount of drugs in my system, I asked if this could all be a fever dream – I reached to touch the poster when a man walked by with green ears sticking out.
Not. This is real life.
I always use Shrek as an emotional support tool. Whether sick, sad or overwhelmed by the choice of what to watch on Netflix, I will keep Shrek knowing that for the next hour and a half, all my troubles are just a distant memory.
Maybe it’s the childhood nostalgia, the perfect casting, the innuendo-laden humor – or a combination of all those things that keep me coming back for more.
My partner learned about my love for Shrek early in our relationship during a weekend of watching each other’s favorite movies. He embraces Shrek like his beloved Back to the Future franchise, so he’s excited for me to find out about tonight’s show.
We went straight to the bar where ‘Ogretini’ was the drink of the daybut having not drunk Midori since I was sixteen years old stealing spirits from my parents’ cupboard, we were kept safe and settled on Guinness.
Drinks in hand, we took our places to the front of the stage alongside fellow millennials who seemed bewildered by what might be in store for us.
But all nerves disappeared when the band took the stage.
Three-way-acts Blind Rat and Big Bad Wolf wearing granny nightie take place together with their friends fairy tale characters to unleash Smash Mouth’s All Star. ‘It was the best night ever,’ I laughed.
‘I can’t believe you found this!’ I said as we frolicked together to a stunning rendition of Live and Let Die.
An electric set list and two encores later, we arrived home hoarse from all the singing but with full hearts.
The morning after our date, I posted a b-roll of the evening to TikTok that would make my friends and family giggle. I didn’t expect to open my phone a few hours later and see that over 100,000 people had watched it.
As the week went on, we watched in amazement as the video slowly began to creep up to more than one and a half million views, with comments like: ‘Shrek is love, Shrek is life,’. ‘Nice dream date, don’t leave this person!!’ and ‘This is brilliant! Book for your next wedding.’
I never thought we would be the kind of couple to open our relationship up, but I am pleased to report that the night with the green ogre and his band of enchanted misfits has helped keep the romance well and truly alive.
We have long discovered that relationships require care, fun, and a willingness to deal with the unexpected. Since that night, we have been committed to prioritizing each other more than ever – and in my eyes, who will do Donkey, who will do.
This article was originally published on August 31, 2024
Do you have a story you want to share? Email jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
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