Voters gather at a polling station in Oakton, Va., Nov. 5. Parents are grappling with how to talk to their children about the election.
Ali Khaligh/AFP via Getty Images
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Ali Khaligh/AFP via Getty Images
After Donald Trump won the presidential election, Eddie Slaughter, 37, a barbershop owner, and Trump voter, in Dunedin, Fla., celebrated. Slaughter is also a father of four. His two older children, who are 11 and 13, had different reactions to the results. They came to him with uncertainty.
Questions like, ‘If Trump becomes president, Dad, will the world end?’ “Remembers Slaughter. He believes that social media can cause anxiety. “I think my children are very concerned about what is happening on TikTok,” he said.
An election season marked by deepening divisions and increasing stress to the point of toxicity has ended with the election of Trump. But the stress is not over yet. And some are still struggling not only to talk to each other about what happened and what is ahead, but parents, especially, grappling with how, and even what, to recycle the littlest listeners about the election.
And they listened.
Children as young as 5 “feel what they feel in the environment and what they feel from us as well, as parents,” said Dr. Janine Domingues, senior clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. in New York.
He said children can experience political stress from school, social media or television. “And, not naming it and not talking about it can increase or increase anxiety,” Domingues said. He heard about election-related stress among young patients. “I definitely see a level of anxiety, that’s for sure,” he said.
It is up to the parents to start the conversation
Because children may not communicate these concerns, parents, or caregivers, initiate the conversation, Domingues said. Doing so without a center can be difficult, said Libby Hemphill, an associate professor of information at the University of Michigan’s School of Information.
“Maybe we’re sad, maybe we’re happy,” Hemphill said, “depending on where you stand politically … (But) the truth is that’s not what the kids need. They’re going to be ok.”
Dr. Sara Brownschidle, 43, a doctor from Baltimore County, Md., has three daughters ranging from elementary school to high school age. She voted for Vice President Harris and before the election, she and her husband talked about guaranteeing their children, whatever the outcome. Then he got the news, just as the children were getting ready for school.
“Before they got on the bus, my husband just blurted out that Trump had won,” she said. “I know quite well that I will not be able to hold up my end, you know, everything-is-OK bargain. I have begun to tear up.”
“And I just said, ‘It’s still a sexist world, and it’s not fair.’ And that was all I could get out before I choked and disappeared into the bathroom,” Brownschidle said.
Walking away may be the best way to have election conversations with kids, Domingues said, and “modeling how to be calm and organized” can help kids do the same.
When it’s time, let the kids take the lead
Then when the parents are ready to talk about what the election means and what they will do, the children should take the lead, Domingues said.
For younger children, like kindergarten age, Domingues suggests starting simple, by asking questions, such as, “How do you feel about the election?” Or, “What did you learn in school about what voting means and what it is?”
For children of middle school age and older, Domingues said, parents can ask where children, themselves, stand on certain issues and values and where they get information.
Brownschidle said, in her view, Trump’s victory represents a major threat to abortion rights and she wants to be available to answer her children’s questions honestly. “I feel now that all I can do for him is to continue to teach him,” he said.
Slaughter, a Florida barbershop owner, said he voted for Trump, partly with his children’s future in mind, “because I’m a business owner … whatever mud people are afraid of.”
They say their goal is to keep the lines of communication open with kids, and do their best to clarify the claims they hear on TikTok. For him, this does not mean trying to convince him to support Trump. “I really want my kids to be independent thinkers,” she said. “I don’t want my kids to be affected.”
Heated rhetoric, experts say, can often cool down when people are conversing in smaller spaces, rather than online, where the consequences of language may not be immediately apparent.
Remind children that they are part of a community
Hemphill, of the University of Michigan, recommends reminding children that they are part of a community even if they and their neighbors disagree. An example of a tone could be, “What I’m going to do with that energy is try to get to know my neighbors,” he said. “We all still have to live in the community no matter how the election comes out.”
For kids who might be learning to be good friends, experts say, it can be helpful to think about the election results in terms of sports. So a good winner can be part of that conversation among your neighbors.
“When you win, good for you! And also, it’s really tight. And not everyone thinks what way,” Hemphill said. “There’s a line between a touchdown dance and a taunt.”
Another way to help children in the post-election period is to help them overcome their feelings of helplessness, experts say; even if they are too young to vote, they can be empowered to effect change.
Hemphill said parents can tap into their children’s passions, help them research issues, then contact elected officials, through mail or perhaps attending a city council meeting.
In his case, Hemphill’s 11-year-old son cares about adding sidewalks to the neighborhood to make it easier to get to the bus stop.
“So that’s the problem,” Hemphill said. “And just practicing with the kids … how to channel it to be productive.”
Democracy is an ongoing process.
“And I keep coming back to what’s unique in America is that we have to continue to vote and we have to continue to participate and we’re going to say publicly to our representatives and our neighbors what we think,” Hemphill said. “And helping (children) practice how to be heard in a meaningful and productive way so that when they have the right to vote, they will use it well, I think is a good long-term project for parents.”
